I Support…My Son Is Gay

Posted on November 10, 2010. Filed under: Parenting | Tags: , , , , , , , |

I read a fellow blogger’s article last week and her blog stuck right in the frontal lobe of my brain.  I put this week’s  article to the side just so I  could discuss and share with all of you an article titled, “My son is gay.”  The title alone is jarring, but it was the picture of a sweet little boy dressed as Daphne from Scooby Doo, rocking the full costume, orange wig, purple tights, and pink boots that enticed me to continue reading. Before I share my thoughts I want to make a note that I support this mother 100%…she actually makes me very proud!

The truth is that she has no idea if her son is gay or not. This sweet little boy is only five years old and happens to love Scooby Doo (he actually dressed as Scooby Doo a year or so ago). What the article unravels is the bravery, individuality and intelligence of our children verses a society filled with judgment and criticism. The main critics are often times  the parents of the little boys and girls we hope our little ones are playing with throughout the day at school. Oftentimes, when my daughter comes home with something naughty and new I know she has learned it from another child. That child has learned the behavior from either an older sibling or straight from their mother or father. So if your child is the one teaching naughty behavior and he/she has no older siblings…check your own behavior.

We journey with this mom as she revisits the first day her son asks for the Daphne costume. I can personally  visualize how his little face must have lit up when the costume finally arrived in the mail. I’m not a kid and my face still lights up when I’ve ordered something that I really want and it arrives… it feels like Christmas. I can see the happiness in his face when he tells his best friend (who happens to be a girl) what he will be for Halloween, the planning they must have done. Does anyone else remember what it’s like to be that young and excited? I’m excited thinking about his excitement as I read. I’ve already seen the picture and not only do I think he’s a clever kid with personality, but what a great costume!  However, I feel myself tensing up and freeze as I read that he suddenly no longer wants to wear the costume. My mind honestly doesn’t want to believe what his mom discovers. But I understand the world we live in, so I almost want to cry for not only him but his mom when she reveals that he’s  scared of the ridicule he will endure at the Halloween party. At five years old he already senses judgment. I feel for his mother because in that moment I stop reading and flashback to my own son being 5 years old.

We’re at a park in NY and for once I’m not following him around the playground. I’m allowing him to have fun while I sit on the bench and watch. Two kids, one boy, one girl a little older than him, seem to be playing with him. I’m thinking to myself how great it is that children befriend one another so easily when suddenly the little girl says something to him. I can’t hear what she’s saying but her body language tells, it’s not nice. Instantly, I feel rage at the thought of someone else’s child treating my son harshly. I stay calm and remind myself that they are children and will work it out. But then the little boy  follows the little girl’s body language and takes it a step further, he pushes my son. I’m on my feet and there within seconds. To this day I can’t tell you what happened because the look on my son’s face is all I remember.  His feelings are hurt and he can’t understand why they don’t want to play with him.  It was the only sentence he uttered as he held back his tears until we exited the playground.

I can’t imagine what this mother must feel like, when she see’s the look on her child’s face as he watches adults, not children, stare at him with such disgust upon their faces.  I then wonder as I continue  reading,  “how will she comfort him, and who will comfort her?”   I did the best I could in comforting my son that day against children slightly older than him, but this scenario is completely different. This mother is battling adults. They’re not only questioning her child but her parenting.

At the tender age of five this little boy almost learned to mask his joy, his individuality and his creativeness. I say “almost“, because if it wasn’t for his mother having the strength to stand up for her child and simply say, “So what…mind your business,” I can’t imagine the message he would have walked away with.  I’m no expert on parenting but it is my belief that as parents we are here to guide our children on their journey. We are to encourage them by helping them figure out who they are and what they want to do with their lives (whether we agree with their choices or not). We stand as their teachers in figuring out their likes and dislikes. We are here to help them feel safe in this huge world. The words we speak to them, MATTER! The looks we glare at them with, MATTER! Our children resemble us, we even share many of the same mannerisms, but they are Not us. Please remember that. Please understand that your child was born to accomplish something special in this world, so he or she may stand out in the crowd. It doesn’t make him/her a freak, it simply makes him/her special.

So please don’t be the parent sucking your teeth at a child because he/she behaves differently, looks different, speaks different, or even dresses differently then your own child(ren). Wouldn’t it be sweeter and humanely kinder to:

1. Want to understand the child instead of turning your nose up to a 5 year old?

2. Appreciate a child’s individuality and support him/her.

3. Applaud the courage it takes to be different in this world.

4. Remain in Awe, of the beautiful innocence of a child’s mind

5. Love children, be them yours or not, just because they are children, little human beings.

Let’s stop judging one another. What a boring world this world would be if we were all the same.  Please read the article titled “My son is gay.”  http://nerdyapplebottom.com/my son is gay

Thanks for taking the journey.

xoxo Journey Ward xoxo

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