Woman vs Women

Posted on December 10, 2010. Filed under: Tips |

I’m trying to figure out the hidden complication between women and the dynamic roles children play in our lives.  We can be rather odd or completely  indifferent towards one another.  Depending on the environment, we’re pleasant, social, giggly butterflies towards one another or completely attitudinal. Why? We all have so much in common and so much to share. Over the last several years I’ve taken note on how we, as women, treat one another when we are with children, or without. It’s rather interesting. Let me share this story with you first.

A few months ago while shopping in a retail store I noticed a woman (very pretty, well put together) checking me out. Now, she wasn’t checking me out like “I’m interested.”  Her looks were of admiration.  She was silently approving my outfit ( I will admit she  caught me on a good day, I felt beautiful this particular day… there’s no doubt that it showed). Well, once I noticed her checking me out, I began to check her out. I noticed that her make-up was flawless and that she accessorizes well.  I was ready to compliment her. Only, when I looked up from staring at her shoes (a gorgeous pair of Christian Louboutin, no doubt), she caught me admiring her and the showdown began.  I began to smile (that normally eases the opponent). Only, when our eyes met, my smile began to fade as she gave me the “what are you looking at?” stare. My body instantly stiffened  and I kept my gaze focused while thinking,  “You were looking me up and down. Now that I’m looking at you, you throw the attitude? Hell, I was gonna smile and tell you that I liked your shoes.” I felt as if this went on for at least a minute or two but it was only seconds. She clicked her Louboutins once, maybe twice, and just like that she was gone. This showdown left me feeling away. I can go as far as saying that my feelings where a bit hurt.  I was preparing to compliment her. Why the showdown?  I started taking mental notes after this incident and noticed something very interesting.

When I am out with my children, women have no problem approaching me and giving me a compliment.  Whether they compliment the children themselves, an outfit I have on or my shoes, they seem free and easy when speaking to me. We, meaning women, single, married, engaged, or neither we are pleasant when  seeing other women with their children or even pregnant.  A pregnant woman can walk down the street and women will watch her with admiration, we smile warmly at her, sometimes asking “When are you due?”. We even go as far as to telling her how pretty she looks, we hold a conversation with her, at times, all the while making her feel wonderful and unconsciously allowing ourselves to be what we are… connected. It’s the same when we see a woman with a newborn, infant or toddler. We smile, we nod, we admire knowingly and willingly. Why doesn’t that happen when the children aren’t involved?

I ran into Mrs. Louboutin months later in the Gap store. I had my daughter with me and she and I had eye contact again. We instantly recognized one another and I felt my body preparing to tense up again. She stared at my daughter (in admiration), and just as I had  decided to ignore her  she slowly walked in our direction and said, “Your daughter is adorable.” Remembering our last encounter, I hesitated a second then thanked her. I couldn’t help but  look at her a little sideways. She understood as we women normally do. She, too, remembered our last encounter and, I’m guessing realized just how awkward this moment was. She gave me a half but warm smile and said, “Nice jacket.” I gave her my warmest smile, glanced down and said, “Gorgeous shoes.”

Help me out ladies we are so connected… why don’t we act like it? I have many encounters like the one I just wrote about. Unfortunately, not all of them end up with understanding and recognition of our silliness. Have any of you noticed the difference in the openness you received when or while you were pregnant, or when having your children around compared to being out by yourself?

I’m curious. Please share your thoughts with me. I’d love to see the majority, if not all, of us (women), warm towards one another. Wouldn’t you?

Thank you so much for taking the journey with me.

xoxo Journey Ward xoxo


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5 Responses to “Woman vs Women”

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Have to admit that we, women, do often act very childish when we see other woman as a threat especially if she’s attractive and/or intelligent. It’s one of the basic instincts I suppose.

I’ve too noticed most women initially appearing hostile warm up once you make the first “nice” move or like you said they see you have kids which means you’re “off the market”  and no longer represent threat (I guess in their head you re moved from “woman” category to “mother”) .

Thank you as always!

I have noticed that too. Sometimes I make it my position to always break the ice, but sometimes I just get right back into “I won’t talk to you either mode”. I can’t really explain it. There have been times when I will meet the same person who was being shady in a different situation and find out they were just shy, but I know thats not what you are talking about.

And it’s crazy, I MEAN CRAZY, how people who are usually standoffish become sweethearts when they see you pregnant. There are AT LEAST four people who I have seen recently who have either been standoffish or have never went out of thier way to have a conversation with me, who have seen me pregnant and either rubbed my belly or boldly initiated a heart to heart with me.

I want to say its LA because there’s clearly a caste system and since everyone has read “The Secret” over and over, they want to associate with the right people who will give them the best energy possible, albeit for the wrong reasons at times, but the same thing happens in Texas and D.C. and NYC and anywhere else I’ve lived.

Anyway, I don’t know why we are like that. I hope I’ve grown out of it. 🙂

Congratulations on your pregnancy!!! You’re about to notice a lot more. However, there is truth in you mentioning that some people are just shy. I believe that. Someone else mentioned women not being use to compliment. I think it’s all interesting. I can’t wait to hear from you once you actually have your child. I promise you, you’ll notice so much!

So true! I see mothers at my kids school and they are nice as can be. ( I never forget a face maybe they do) but i see them out and its a nose turn, even more so when two or more are together. As mothers we should feel we have the duty to make another women smile cause god knows how hard it can be!

I think as women, we are accustomed to being judged on our outer appearance. So as a defensive, we shoot back a stare, as if we are saying “I can judge you too.” I have noticed that if you smile, most will smile back and their look change.

I think when women are pregnant, they expect people to look, because there is something out of the ordinary or special, so the defenses are not up and often they do not shoot back a “I can do it too” look and may even smile. I know I am usually beaming with an encouraging look of “yes, I am” unless I do not feel well.

I think this is why we were taught, if you look at someone you should smile or say hello.

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